"Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways."
- Jerry Corsten
Why is it so difficult to love ourselves? Why do we feel unlovable? Why are we our own worst critic? When loving yourself feels so far away from where you are standing, how do you get back to a place where you like yourself again?
Loving yourself, all starts with how we speak and the thoughts we have toward ourselves. The world is critical enough, without us putting ourselves down. We think things about ourselves that we would NEVER in a million years say a friend or even to a stranger. Our self deprecating speech is the primary influence on our low self-esteem. Sure, we all have things we don't precisely adore about our bodies and personalities. However, if we focus on those few things, the self-doubt will consume our thoughts. Pretty soon those few negative thoughts snowball into other items we dislike about ourselves. The negative self-talk soon becomes the only self-talk. No wonder we hate or even loathe ourselves when all we do is point out our "flaws". Let's face it, most of the time what we see as personal "flaws" are non-existent. No one else has told us we have these imperfections, only we see them.
When we don't love ourselves, we are open to whole lot heartache, depression, poor choices, and failed relationships. If we don't love ourselves how in the world can we expect someone else to love us, if we don't respect ourselves, no one else will respect us. The good in your life starts and ends with you. If you don't think highly of yourself than you will not attract or achieve positive things in your life. If you don't see the infinite value you have to offer, then others will see what energy you are putting off and in turn will also not see your worth. We attract what we put out into the universe. A well adjusted, confident, self-loving, happy person will not be attracted to a self-loathing, sad, insecure person. If we don't think ourselves essential, then we will tend to put ourselves last, to allow others to mistreat us. This way of thinking is a dangerous recipe for dysfunctional relationships. If you are in a dysfunctional relationship, the only way out is through self-love. You have to know that you are better than what this other person has to offer.
If we don't think we can achieve our goals the goals will never be met. You have to believe in our strength and abilities to reach a goal to make it. If you don't think highly of yourself, then you will be defeated before you even begin.
We have all been in dark places of depression and hopelessness. There are always going to times when you feel like the world has knocked you on your ass. Sometimes, you have to claw your way out of the darkness.
Start to love yourself again! Begin by reversing the negative self-talk into positive self-talk. I know that at the beginning of this new thinking can feel awkward and unauthentic. Your mind will put up roadblocks if you don't fully believe the positive thoughts you are telling it. So if your brain can't quite buy the fact that "I am beautiful and have a perfect body." Start with finding the things about your body that you are grateful to have. It's all in how you look at yourself. For example, I had my children when I was very young; as a result, I have severe stretch marks on my stomach, thighs, and breasts. I used to be discussed by them. Until one day I realized that these stretch marks were to bring my children into the world and make me a mom. If the only thing you can notice today about your body is your feet because they allow you to walk to the store, then take it. Be grateful for your arms that will enable you to give hugs to those you love. Be thankful for your gorgeous eyes that allows you to see the beauty in the world. It's impossible to dislike things when you have gratitude.
Notice when you start negative self-talk, and ask yourself, "Would I say these things to my best friend, my mom, or my child?" If you wouldn't then don't say them to yourself. Only choose loving and kind words when speaking to yourself. This also goes for saying derogatory comments about yourself to others. Example, "I'm so fat and ugly. I'm so stupid. I can't do anything right." Just as you would not allow others to say these very hurtful things to you, don't let yourself to tell them to you.
Every week write sticky notes with the beautiful things you love about yourself and put them up EVERYWHERE. Put the notes on the dash of your car, on the bathroom mirror, on the alarm clock, the back of your phone, on your computer, on the TV, and on the fridge. Plaster these positive thoughts about yourself on every surface you will see. Change the sticky notes to new glorious saying each week. Do this for 6 months!
Morning mantra! Each and every morning address yourself with the things you are grateful for about yourself and shower yourself with LOVE. Example, "Betsy, I love you! Betsy, you are smart and talented. I am so incredibly grateful for these beautiful hips that gave birth to my baby. I love my thick, shiny hair. I deserve a wonderful life, filled with love and prosperity."
KNOW THAT YOU ARE WORTH LOVING!
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